I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you had me at cake vodka
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
