Texts From Last Night · Uncle_Hammer's Favorites

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Uncle_Hammer's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

Fav 10 2704 1086
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

Fav 23 3261 1716
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(903): View more from Texas

He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

Fav 8 5808 1204
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

Fav 5 3113 1894
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

Fav 19 5532 2069
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

Fav 17 2329 2975
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(785): View more from Kansas

Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

Fav 21 9308 1531
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

Fav 101 35342 4426
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT