Can Purell be used as lube?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
