It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
