just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
