Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
