I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
