when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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