I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
