the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
