i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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