Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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