Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
