I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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