and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
