Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
