What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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