There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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