Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do vagina's smell?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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