I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
