She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
that is very illegal...i love you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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