u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
