Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
