Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
