Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
