no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
