No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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