Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
