I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I party with great urgency now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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