I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my liver is dry heaving
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
