my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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