My Higher Power is John Stamos
I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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