Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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