PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
