I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
