He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
