i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
