some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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