There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
