The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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