you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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