she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
