Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
