I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
