Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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