In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
