I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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