I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
