I got chris browned last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
