hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
