Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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