Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
