why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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