Apparently you make a good broom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
