you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
