That's when you crack a 10am beer
barbara walters just said penis...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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