i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
